A woman who stumbled on her husband’s stash of child pornography cried Friday as she described his betrayal as a “devastating blow.”

The chance discovery of an old laptop computer and two plastic bags of DVDs hidden in the attic was especially shocking because the woman volunteered for a local child-welfare agency.

“I have lain awake nights tormenting myself with questions,” she told Kitchener court. “How could I not have known?”

Graeme Rayner, 55, was away in England when the couple’s Kitchener house was damaged in a storm last year.

When the woman went into the attic with a contractor to do an assessment, they came across the pornography hidden behind a wooden panel.

An analysis by police showed there were 142 photographs and 167 videos of girls from about eight to 14 years of age engaged in various sex acts with adults.

The woman called her common-law husband overseas, told him what she had found and immediately ended their relationship. A few weeks later, she turned the evidence over to police.

“I have had to deal with the shame and embarrassment of his behaviour, and his betrayal of my trust and love, over and over again,” she said of telling friends and relatives why the marriage was over.

Rayner, who didn’t know his wife of 12 years had gone to police, was apprehended at the airport in Toronto when he returned to Canada in February.

Court heard he considered suicide after his arrest, but sought counselling to deal with his problems instead.

In a brief apology, Rayner said it is “disgraceful” that the abuse of children by the makers of pornography was encouraged by his appetite for it.

“I’m very ashamed for what I’ve done,” said Rayner, who had no record before pleading guilty to possession of child pornography. “I’m absolutely filled with remorse.”

His lawyer, David Lang, said Rayner actually did a “self-analysis” and stopped viewing child pornography about four years before his arrest.

Lang cited that as a key factor in arguing for a 90-day jail sentence to be served on weekends so Rayner can keep his job as a salesperson.

Crown prosecutor Vlatko Karadzic, however, questioned why Rayner kept and hid the DVDs if he had really sworn off child porn.

“We have nothing to say when these videos were watched or how often,” Karadzic said.

Karadzic called for nine to 12 months in jail, stressing case law that puts a priority on denouncing child porn and discouraging others from viewing it.

Justice Michael Epstein delayed his decision until January, in part because he doubted his ability to remain dispassionate after viewing some of the child abuse depicted in the seized material.

“It was difficult for me today to watch the videos I had to watch,” he said. “I found them personally disturbing.”

Epstein also encouraged the woman to return to her volunteer work after she said she resigned to spare the child-welfare agency from potentially damaging publicity.

“I’m sure it does little to assist, but please understand the shame is not yours,” he told her.